(1/10)
How is this even possible? You round up four outrageously hot girls (who actually show some aptitude
as actresses), cast them as werewolves (or vampires or witches - it was never made all that clear) who
seem to be naked and/or making out with each other constantly, put them in a revenge tale where
they're pitted against a family of atrocious cretins and throw in old favorite cult actor Tim Thomerson
("Dollman") and yet you come up with a bag of unredeemable horse shit like this?
I had read this was horrible before I viewed it, but not only do I like to make up my own mind, the pieces
just didn't fit together. Hearing everything above I could not imagine how you couldn't at least stumble
ass-backwards into making at least a good flick. But this movie feels almost like they were trying
desperately to make an unappealing, unpleasant viewing experience for the audience. Everything
seems to go wrong.
Yes, there is a plethora of nudity and lesbian sex scenes, but none of it seems in the least bit erotic or
even vaguely titillating. Probably the annoying hi-gloss quick-cutting music-video style everything is
presented in that hurt the eroticism, or maybe it's just the sheer pointlessness of it all.
Yes, the girls are werewolves (or something like that) but they have so little to do that the werewolf
premise might as well be left alone entirely. Anytime we're about to figure out what their point is, we cut
to something else.
Yes, there is a revenge tale here when this trio of nitwits - the wheelchair-bound war veteran uncle, the
psychotic older brother and the retarded younger brother (who seems to have a crush on one of the
girls despite the fact that he spends most of the movie running around wearing a pink tutu) show up to
torture and torment the girls for way too long. But this film makes the same mistake A LOT of revenge
movies make - we are made to wallow in the crime for way too long (in this case these three idiots
humiliating the girls) until we're made too uncomfortable to really consider the overall movie enjoyable -
then it makes us wallow way to long on the punishment (in this case, the women slowly and agonizingly
killing their tormentors) that it feels like the film is taking some sort of revenge on it's audience.
And then there's Tim Thomerson - he plays an irritatingly spaced cop on the trail of the werewolf women
along with his partner who happens to be the rookie son of his late former partner. They get way too
much screen time - clearly to bulk up the running time and presumably give us a break from the
atrocious main story. But those scenes are almost more painful. It's the sort of scenes where you can
tell the actors think they're being absolutely hilarious and yet they're cringingly unfunny and simply
irritating (sort of like when Steven Seagall hosted "Saturday Night Live").
I would also like to call attention to how tasteless the family of bad guys are. It's depiction of war
veterans as well as developmentally challenged people is in horrible taste. I realize this movie is trying
to 'push the envelope' by being shocking, but I've never found making fun of veterans or the
handicapped was funny and I have a pretty good sense of humor. And the writing here is certainly not
up to the task of being funny enough to get an audience to laugh at something they don't necessarily
want to (which can happen at times, but not with a script this awful).
This is a thoroughly joyless film. You probably won't make it through to the end, but if you do (as I
somehow managed to) it is an endurance test. You will most likely not be able to stand anymore and
won't partake in all the various DVD extras. That's probably a wise move as there isn't much there - just
a lot of alternate takes of scenes that were horrid enough the first time around. This is bad, bad stuff.
Fans of Ministry may want to note that main man Al Jourgenson has a cameo and contributes heavily to
the soundtrack (probably the film's best asset). It really doesn't make any of this any more bearable. This
is a horrible movie that may very well turn you off from the midnight genre and get you to start watching
things like "Remains of the Day" or "The English Patient." The reason you'd watch something like this at
midnight is it might be late enough that you'll fall asleep and spare yourself the grief.
If you do actually want to see for yourself if it it's as bad as I say, you can get yours from the usually
excellent Media Blasters here: http://www.media-blasters.com/TitleDisplay.cfm?upc=631595082197
How is this even possible? You round up four outrageously hot girls (who actually show some aptitude
as actresses), cast them as werewolves (or vampires or witches - it was never made all that clear) who
seem to be naked and/or making out with each other constantly, put them in a revenge tale where
they're pitted against a family of atrocious cretins and throw in old favorite cult actor Tim Thomerson
("Dollman") and yet you come up with a bag of unredeemable horse shit like this?
I had read this was horrible before I viewed it, but not only do I like to make up my own mind, the pieces
just didn't fit together. Hearing everything above I could not imagine how you couldn't at least stumble
ass-backwards into making at least a good flick. But this movie feels almost like they were trying
desperately to make an unappealing, unpleasant viewing experience for the audience. Everything
seems to go wrong.
Yes, there is a plethora of nudity and lesbian sex scenes, but none of it seems in the least bit erotic or
even vaguely titillating. Probably the annoying hi-gloss quick-cutting music-video style everything is
presented in that hurt the eroticism, or maybe it's just the sheer pointlessness of it all.
Yes, the girls are werewolves (or something like that) but they have so little to do that the werewolf
premise might as well be left alone entirely. Anytime we're about to figure out what their point is, we cut
to something else.
Yes, there is a revenge tale here when this trio of nitwits - the wheelchair-bound war veteran uncle, the
psychotic older brother and the retarded younger brother (who seems to have a crush on one of the
girls despite the fact that he spends most of the movie running around wearing a pink tutu) show up to
torture and torment the girls for way too long. But this film makes the same mistake A LOT of revenge
movies make - we are made to wallow in the crime for way too long (in this case these three idiots
humiliating the girls) until we're made too uncomfortable to really consider the overall movie enjoyable -
then it makes us wallow way to long on the punishment (in this case, the women slowly and agonizingly
killing their tormentors) that it feels like the film is taking some sort of revenge on it's audience.
And then there's Tim Thomerson - he plays an irritatingly spaced cop on the trail of the werewolf women
along with his partner who happens to be the rookie son of his late former partner. They get way too
much screen time - clearly to bulk up the running time and presumably give us a break from the
atrocious main story. But those scenes are almost more painful. It's the sort of scenes where you can
tell the actors think they're being absolutely hilarious and yet they're cringingly unfunny and simply
irritating (sort of like when Steven Seagall hosted "Saturday Night Live").
I would also like to call attention to how tasteless the family of bad guys are. It's depiction of war
veterans as well as developmentally challenged people is in horrible taste. I realize this movie is trying
to 'push the envelope' by being shocking, but I've never found making fun of veterans or the
handicapped was funny and I have a pretty good sense of humor. And the writing here is certainly not
up to the task of being funny enough to get an audience to laugh at something they don't necessarily
want to (which can happen at times, but not with a script this awful).
This is a thoroughly joyless film. You probably won't make it through to the end, but if you do (as I
somehow managed to) it is an endurance test. You will most likely not be able to stand anymore and
won't partake in all the various DVD extras. That's probably a wise move as there isn't much there - just
a lot of alternate takes of scenes that were horrid enough the first time around. This is bad, bad stuff.
Fans of Ministry may want to note that main man Al Jourgenson has a cameo and contributes heavily to
the soundtrack (probably the film's best asset). It really doesn't make any of this any more bearable. This
is a horrible movie that may very well turn you off from the midnight genre and get you to start watching
things like "Remains of the Day" or "The English Patient." The reason you'd watch something like this at
midnight is it might be late enough that you'll fall asleep and spare yourself the grief.
If you do actually want to see for yourself if it it's as bad as I say, you can get yours from the usually
excellent Media Blasters here: http://www.media-blasters.com/TitleDisplay.cfm?upc=631595082197
 |
Rating;
| by Jim Haggerty |
