(7/10)
Creepy 70's British horror starring Michael Gough who most people know as Alfred in the Tim
Burton-started string of "Batman" movies from 1989 to 1997. What most folks don't know is that Gough is
a creepy 70's British horror icon and his presence alone in an old British flick that tries to bring the
creepy puts it at almost there already. In this one big Mikey is the head creep in a pretty creepy family
that seems to have all sorts of terrible plans for it's one not creepy member - cute cat-eyed Candace
Glendenning (stupid last name, but cute girl).
Glendenning is a hippy-ish teenager who leaves her creepy old boyfriend home for a few weeks to take
a family vacation with her nice but oddly liberal parents (the dad playfully kids her about her being out
getting laid the night before!) to visit her widower Uncle (Gough). On the car ride over we learn her
creepy uncle is a doctor and still broods over his late wife. Then Dad gets a bad headache that causes
the car to crash and explode shorty after she gets out to get help.
Now our heroine finds herself stranded with the creepy Uncle, creepier cousin who likes to rape and
murder women in his spare time (and looks like the ugly dude from "Psycho From Texas"), and kind of
hot - but creepy by association - secretary Francis. It turns out Francis once had a thing with creepy
cousin and keeps chasing him around ala Mrs. Robinson. Why he doesn't just murder her like he seems
to murder most other women who aren't nearly as troublesome to him doesn't really add up.
So after a few nightmares and visions - mostly involving hot naked girls getting whipped and branded
and all sorts of other icky things - she falls in love with extremely resistible cousin. Maybe it's his almost
expressionless moon-face, maybe it's his homicidal misogyny, or maybe it's just his ability to make
psychotic tendencies seem dull, but the romance just seems pretty implausible.
Anyway, after a good roll in the sack with her cousin (eeewwwwwwww) the niece feels much better and
has gotten over her parents' blowing up two days ago and wants the two of them to run away. This
seems to put a dent in creepy uncle's plans so he sends Francis the horny secretary to do damage
control. That doesn't work out so well either.
This is by no means a great film - it's a little slow, it's kind of confusing and the dialogue is some of the
worst I've ever heard in any movie ever. I can't believe actors this good are delivering some of the
dialogue here - at one point a character barks in the middle of an argument! But it is certainly creepy
and has a lot of good eerie moments. There's enough good in the flick to make you wish it were better.
Some of the violence and satanic imagery might be a little much for some folks. The movie actually
reminded me of the Orson Welles/Pamela Franklin oddity "The Witching" - unfortunately, like that film it
has kind of a similarly unsatisfying conclusion. But you could do worse.
This is available as part of a 'Grindhouse Double Feature' from Brentwood. Problem is, the print they
used seems to have had the shit beat out of it and has the more extreme nudity and violence snipped
out. The now out of print Horrible Horrors Collection from Rhino had a much better and uncut print, so I
advise seeking that one out if you're a fanatic, but the Brentwood version will suffice. Both versions
also include the boring "Terror" from the same director. Good stuff for the midnight movie fan!
Creepy 70's British horror starring Michael Gough who most people know as Alfred in the Tim
Burton-started string of "Batman" movies from 1989 to 1997. What most folks don't know is that Gough is
a creepy 70's British horror icon and his presence alone in an old British flick that tries to bring the
creepy puts it at almost there already. In this one big Mikey is the head creep in a pretty creepy family
that seems to have all sorts of terrible plans for it's one not creepy member - cute cat-eyed Candace
Glendenning (stupid last name, but cute girl).
Glendenning is a hippy-ish teenager who leaves her creepy old boyfriend home for a few weeks to take
a family vacation with her nice but oddly liberal parents (the dad playfully kids her about her being out
getting laid the night before!) to visit her widower Uncle (Gough). On the car ride over we learn her
creepy uncle is a doctor and still broods over his late wife. Then Dad gets a bad headache that causes
the car to crash and explode shorty after she gets out to get help.
Now our heroine finds herself stranded with the creepy Uncle, creepier cousin who likes to rape and
murder women in his spare time (and looks like the ugly dude from "Psycho From Texas"), and kind of
hot - but creepy by association - secretary Francis. It turns out Francis once had a thing with creepy
cousin and keeps chasing him around ala Mrs. Robinson. Why he doesn't just murder her like he seems
to murder most other women who aren't nearly as troublesome to him doesn't really add up.
So after a few nightmares and visions - mostly involving hot naked girls getting whipped and branded
and all sorts of other icky things - she falls in love with extremely resistible cousin. Maybe it's his almost
expressionless moon-face, maybe it's his homicidal misogyny, or maybe it's just his ability to make
psychotic tendencies seem dull, but the romance just seems pretty implausible.
Anyway, after a good roll in the sack with her cousin (eeewwwwwwww) the niece feels much better and
has gotten over her parents' blowing up two days ago and wants the two of them to run away. This
seems to put a dent in creepy uncle's plans so he sends Francis the horny secretary to do damage
control. That doesn't work out so well either.
This is by no means a great film - it's a little slow, it's kind of confusing and the dialogue is some of the
worst I've ever heard in any movie ever. I can't believe actors this good are delivering some of the
dialogue here - at one point a character barks in the middle of an argument! But it is certainly creepy
and has a lot of good eerie moments. There's enough good in the flick to make you wish it were better.
Some of the violence and satanic imagery might be a little much for some folks. The movie actually
reminded me of the Orson Welles/Pamela Franklin oddity "The Witching" - unfortunately, like that film it
has kind of a similarly unsatisfying conclusion. But you could do worse.
This is available as part of a 'Grindhouse Double Feature' from Brentwood. Problem is, the print they
used seems to have had the shit beat out of it and has the more extreme nudity and violence snipped
out. The now out of print Horrible Horrors Collection from Rhino had a much better and uncut print, so I
advise seeking that one out if you're a fanatic, but the Brentwood version will suffice. Both versions
also include the boring "Terror" from the same director. Good stuff for the midnight movie fan!
 |
Rating;
| by Jim Haggerty |
