(7/10)
"Free Ride" starts out with an ultra-80's cheeseball Journey-wannabe band performing a tacky,
keyboardy pop tune - and I loved it. I'm not sure why, but I told my wife this song is corny, it's dated, it's
awful - and yet I'm loving it. I don't know why, but if I could find this song anywhere I would add it to my
MP3 player. This seemed to be kind of a theme while watching "Free Ride."
"Free Ride" is a silly, juvinille, cheapjack horny teenager sex comedy loaded with 80's cliches, bad
slapstick, and outright stupidity - yet I enjoyed it immensely. I don't even know why, perhaps since I
remember seeing bits and pieces of it on HBO back when I was a horny teenager it brought me back to a
simpler time. Perhaps because I remember when harmless, goofy movies like this were being cranked
out in great numbers (even seeing at least a limited theatrical release) and maybe that took me back to
a simpler time. But whatever the case, "Free Ride" made me smile. I smiled at the prank which ended up
with Peter DeLuise having his hands glued to his cock. I smiled when the Dean is introduced with the
last name Stockwell. I smiled when they accidentally blew up a stuffed horse (not even sure why that
happened or why it was funny). "Free Ride" was fun.
The 'plot' has wiseguy Gary Hershberger (I wonder what his name was before he changed it to such a
catchy Hollywood moniker) stealing a car from some bumbling mobsters to impress a girl he never
seems to see again. After outrunning the mob, he drives to a prep school that appears to have only four
students enrolled and three faculty members. One of his old pals is one of the four students so he
decides to hide out there (how would anyone pick out one more person in such a vast student body?).
Instead of ditching the car, he inexplicably keeps driving around in it and is never caught - but he does
discover a quarter of a million dollars under the driver's seat. So he naturally uses this money to pay
guys to do his campus chores and buy better grades from his professor. I feel like this guy should have
had a little more imagination! Several convoluted sub-plots float around with our hero dating the
crooked school owner's daughter, the moronic dean working with the mobsters to find the money, the
nerd guy running off with a tough but good natured security guard, Peter DeLuise acting like a macho
shithead who compulsively kisses a "Rambo" poster and has some unexplained allegiance to the dean,
and more that makes little sense.
The best known player here (besides a pre-"21 Jump Street" DeLuise) is old-school bombshell Mamie
Van Doren as the dean's oversexed wife - who's also the school nurse. Other recognizable folks are
character actor Warren Berlinger - a Joe Don Baker lookalike who's been in EVERYTHING and has a
specal place in my heart for playing Bert Convy's wig-wearing sidekick in "The Cannonball Run," here
playing Dean Stockwell; Ken Olfson who played the pervy Dean in "H.O.T.S." as the sort of pervy
teacher; and Babette Props who was Danny DeVito's hairy-underarmed girlfriend in "Get Shorty" who
plays the impossibly hot girl who also lives at the othewise male dorm.
The movie was produced by the legendary Moustapha Akkad who famously put up the money for the
original "Halloween" (as well as all the various sequels). In case you ever wondered what he did with all
that Michael Meyers money, here's your chance (he also bank-rolled a quirky non-"Halloween" cheapo
slasher flick called "Appointment With Fear which is worth checking out).
Not available on DVD at this time and I wouldn't hold my breath for a release. I watched a crappy old VHS
(which wasn't even duplicated in SP mode). Not a movie you're likely to find, but if all of this I've
described sounds good to you, search the net, perhaps you'll score! I did!
"Free Ride" starts out with an ultra-80's cheeseball Journey-wannabe band performing a tacky,
keyboardy pop tune - and I loved it. I'm not sure why, but I told my wife this song is corny, it's dated, it's
awful - and yet I'm loving it. I don't know why, but if I could find this song anywhere I would add it to my
MP3 player. This seemed to be kind of a theme while watching "Free Ride."
"Free Ride" is a silly, juvinille, cheapjack horny teenager sex comedy loaded with 80's cliches, bad
slapstick, and outright stupidity - yet I enjoyed it immensely. I don't even know why, perhaps since I
remember seeing bits and pieces of it on HBO back when I was a horny teenager it brought me back to a
simpler time. Perhaps because I remember when harmless, goofy movies like this were being cranked
out in great numbers (even seeing at least a limited theatrical release) and maybe that took me back to
a simpler time. But whatever the case, "Free Ride" made me smile. I smiled at the prank which ended up
with Peter DeLuise having his hands glued to his cock. I smiled when the Dean is introduced with the
last name Stockwell. I smiled when they accidentally blew up a stuffed horse (not even sure why that
happened or why it was funny). "Free Ride" was fun.
The 'plot' has wiseguy Gary Hershberger (I wonder what his name was before he changed it to such a
catchy Hollywood moniker) stealing a car from some bumbling mobsters to impress a girl he never
seems to see again. After outrunning the mob, he drives to a prep school that appears to have only four
students enrolled and three faculty members. One of his old pals is one of the four students so he
decides to hide out there (how would anyone pick out one more person in such a vast student body?).
Instead of ditching the car, he inexplicably keeps driving around in it and is never caught - but he does
discover a quarter of a million dollars under the driver's seat. So he naturally uses this money to pay
guys to do his campus chores and buy better grades from his professor. I feel like this guy should have
had a little more imagination! Several convoluted sub-plots float around with our hero dating the
crooked school owner's daughter, the moronic dean working with the mobsters to find the money, the
nerd guy running off with a tough but good natured security guard, Peter DeLuise acting like a macho
shithead who compulsively kisses a "Rambo" poster and has some unexplained allegiance to the dean,
and more that makes little sense.
The best known player here (besides a pre-"21 Jump Street" DeLuise) is old-school bombshell Mamie
Van Doren as the dean's oversexed wife - who's also the school nurse. Other recognizable folks are
character actor Warren Berlinger - a Joe Don Baker lookalike who's been in EVERYTHING and has a
specal place in my heart for playing Bert Convy's wig-wearing sidekick in "The Cannonball Run," here
playing Dean Stockwell; Ken Olfson who played the pervy Dean in "H.O.T.S." as the sort of pervy
teacher; and Babette Props who was Danny DeVito's hairy-underarmed girlfriend in "Get Shorty" who
plays the impossibly hot girl who also lives at the othewise male dorm.
The movie was produced by the legendary Moustapha Akkad who famously put up the money for the
original "Halloween" (as well as all the various sequels). In case you ever wondered what he did with all
that Michael Meyers money, here's your chance (he also bank-rolled a quirky non-"Halloween" cheapo
slasher flick called "Appointment With Fear which is worth checking out).
Not available on DVD at this time and I wouldn't hold my breath for a release. I watched a crappy old VHS
(which wasn't even duplicated in SP mode). Not a movie you're likely to find, but if all of this I've
described sounds good to you, search the net, perhaps you'll score! I did!
 |
Rating;
by Jim Haggerty